The Breakfast Theory

Ok, maybe not quite

Ok, maybe not quite

I have been on a decent amount of first dates throughout the years, some good, some bad, some absolutely tragic, yet, some guys still manage to surprise me. And I don’t necessarily mean that in a good way. Maybe I am getting old, 26 is after all nearly 30, but since when are lunch dates a thing? Are you trying to date me or negotiate a business deal? A brunch date? Are you really forcing me out of bed at 9 am on a Sunday to meet for a meal that’s neither here nor there? And, more importantly, what the heck am I supposed to wear to that? It really looks to me, and I am sure I am not the only one, that most guys have no clue about the meanings of meals, something I have pondered about quite a bit. So, because I am a nice person, I have done us all a favour and come up with a sexy-meal hierarchy, the Breakfast Theory – a guide that will not only increase your dating success but ensure that we are all on the same page when it comes to decoding each other’s invites.

Brunch (10% sexy)

Brunch really is the unsexiest meal ever invented. As a matter of fact, it shouldn’t even be classed as a meal; it’s an insult to food. Anyway, if you’re the brunchy kind, please keep it a family affair; it’s just not a date kind of thing. First of all, you are forcing someone, who is probably hungover (the likes of me!) out of bed on a Saturday to nibble on something that really won’t cure the said hangover. And then, what next? Do I have to spend the rest of the day with you or are we awkwardly parting ways at 11am? I just find it a strange concept. I once went on a brunch date with a guy and maaaannnn, was it awkward! I kept wondering whether I was actually on a date or if he just thought I looked like someone in need of quinoa porridge.

Lunch (30% sexy)

Let me just put it out there: Lunch is NOT a date meal. Never has been, never will be. It is a business meal. You negotiate deals, make decisions and create exciting new dating apps – I am sure tinder was conceptualised during a  lunch meeting – but you don’t convince someone of your wit, your charm and overall appeal – unless it’s a job interview, in that case: Go get them, tiger!

All parties are too sober and uncomfortable on a midday date, it’s just somehow wrong. You can’t even hide that spot on your chin by sitting in a dark corner at the bar. And what are you going to do if you’re not feeling the other person? You can’t get drunk, you’ll just end up looking like an alcoholic….actually, now that I think of it, that’s how you get rid of them…

Afternoon drinks followed by dinner (60% sexy)

Now, my dear friend, you are headed in the right direction. You can make this date as casual or as serious as you like and it signals GROWN UP. Start with a few cheeky drinkies and if you get on, head for dinner, and who knows what’ll happen next. This is definitely a nice set-up when you’re not yet sure about the other person, you can always end the date early in the evening without leaving things too awkward. And the casual drinks take the pressure off. I likey!

Dinner and drinks (80% sexy)

The ‘Dinner and drinks’ concept is a classic. You can hardly go wrong with that, it’s definitely the right thing when you’re already sure you like one another. I personally prefer afternoon drinks with dinner later, simply because I get nervous about eating in front of a guy. I’ve always found that quite awkward in the beginning. What am I supposed to order, salad or steak? Do I have a clove of garlic stuck between my teeth? And so on. But hey, a nice meal followed by drinks can be both, romantic and relaxing if you get on, and if you don’t, you can always make up an excuse and ghost after the meal. And ladies, you still got a delicious meal out of it, so really, it wasn’t all for nothing…..Yeah whatever, judge me, at least I am honest.

Breakfast (100% sexy)

Well what can I say, if you’re having breakfast together, chances are dinner and drinks went well! Sealed the deal! Winning!

One thought on “The Breakfast Theory

  1. But brunch has a cool ring to it! I imagine sitting in a french bakery for lunch, drinking tea and eating crumpets, while someone rides by a unicycle, and you both laugh and stare at each other romantically. Actually, yeah, brunch is lame.

    Like

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