Today I’d like to talk about second chances. Not so much second chances within life, that’s a very controversial topic and I’d rather not attempt going there, I’ll just get myself into trouble. I am talking about second chances within the sphere of interhuman relationships. Not just second chances within love relationships, I really do mean second chances within friendships, partnerships and any other ship you can possibly think of.
So, let me just put it out there, I don’t like them. In fact, I really, really loathe second chances. Don’t get me wrong, I do agree that everyone deserves one, no questions asked, but people don’t value a second chance or frankly don’t seem to understand that a second chance really should be looked at as a last chance. Think about it, how often have you been disappointed because you gave someone a second chance? I, for my part, have been disappointed A LOT.
I have given many second, third, fourth and even fifth chances and it has virtually gotten me nowhere – with the fifth chance, I am mainly referring to my first ever boyfriend, easily the dumbest human on this planet – and believe me, I have met a few ridiculous beings by now! Oh well, hindsight, you are a wonderful thing!
By giving people multiple chances, you’re really just opening yourself up to being hurt while you allow them to mess up over and over again. Honestly, that’s not kindness on your part, it’s stupidity. People are forever testing their boundaries, it’s in our nature. If you let them get away with something once, chances are, you will probably let them get away with it again, and, believe me, they WILL try you. It really is as they say, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me!
The main problem is, that second chances are usually given to people we deeply care about. You wouldn’t give a second chance to someone you barely know. First of all, it is unlikely that you’d be given a reason to do so and secondly, you wouldn’t care enough to bother. If someone you hardly knew did you wrong, you can easily make the choice to cancel them out of your life. Screw that, moving on! And that’s that.
It really is the people we love and care for, who hurt us the most and who we then tend to give second and third chances to. We naïvely hope they will undo their wrongdoings and show us that we are acting correctly and generously by giving them the opportunity to prove that they are valuable components in our lives. In a way we are doing it for ourselves. Doesn’t it just feel good to be the bigger person? To be patient, forgiving and loving? Honestly, who are you kidding? They won’t value or learn from your oh-so-grand gestures.
Now, I would like to point out, that given none of us own time machines, lousy actions cannot be undone. It’s really up to you to either forgive and forget, which is easier said than done as emotional hurt and violated trust are often quite hard to overcome, OR you can choose to move the heck on and start from scratch – one of my favourite pastimes these days.
Personally, I am done wasting my time on people who aren’t genuine, loyal and don’t have an understanding of how to treat others correctly. I think, you will gain a lot of respect from within as well as from outside once you put up your No Bullshit-sign and stop letting people push you around. Start giving people a real life Game Over – they will respect you all the more and, more importantly so will you. At the end of the day, it is as the saying goes (yes, I am going to use another cheesy phrase – and alter it a little – simply because it fits so well): Don’t mistake my kindness for a weakness, because I can be a cutthroat bitch, when I have to be. Amen.