The Tinder Chronicles: Expert Interview


Oh Tinder! The dating app has gotten a lot of media coverage lately so what else was I going to do than write a whole story series on the matter? I mean come on, at the end of the day, this blog really is about anything and everything dating related…
I have chatted with a lot of people, jumped on the app myself and collected a whole bunch of stories good and bad, funny and … not so funny – basically did some hard-hitting research as us journos do – to find  the best  Tinder stories out there. Over the course of a few weeks I will introduce you guys to my findings, testimonials and the best of the worst. So let’s get started!

To set the mood, I am going to introduce you to my good friend and Tinder-dater extraordinaire, Honey Melrose, 26 (nope, that’s not her real name, in order to keep things somewhat anonymous she has chosen to be published with her “adult-movie name”, generate yours here). Honey who used Tinder for about 8 months is going to tell us what it really means to use the app to its fullest potential and share some tricks on how you can, for example, find out how tall a guy really is – admit it, we all obsess over that! Here’s what she had to say:

Why did you join Tinder in the first place?
I joined Tinder because it seemed to be the thing to do. I would usually scoff at dating apps, but this one sounded pretty ‘normal’ and if my friends were using it, I figured why not give it a try?

What are your swipe right/left criteria? (For those of you who aren’t familiar with the concept, right-swipe means you’re hot left-swipe means get lost, you ugly –it really is as harsh as that)

I would swipe right when I thought someone was good looking and the photos didn’t fall into any of the swipe left categories (see below). The description was also an important factor, keep it short and witty, no lame life stories with a million typos please …thanks!

As bad as it sounds, Tinder is about judging by looks. I am sorry, but it’s a swipe left if you’re ugly or if you chose to share any of the following photos:
1. Bathroom selfie – mannn get over yourself!
2. Middle finger up – I am sorry what??
3. Smoking – yuck!
4. Holding a gun – really?! Who are you?
5. Shirtless – just get sleazebag tattooed on your forehead already!
6. Gym selfie – clearly a tool
7. Big group photos – WHICH ONE ARE YOU?!
8. Pics with babies and cute animals –  I know your game.
9. Genitalia – For obvious reasons. If I wanted porn I’d use other apps. (editor’s note: Let’s clarify, girls don’t actually appreciate full blown, male nudity like that. Stop it NOW!)

So you chatted for a while and established some sort of common ground, then you met up. Tell me about the date.
Dates usually consist of a drink. Dinner is too formal and intense. I’ve had one coffee date which was awful and boring. There’s nothing sexy about slurping on a flat white in a quiet cafe. I’ve also been to a comedy gig for a first date which was cool. Alcohol usually needs to be heavily involved. Guys are usually very keen (over keen) at first and then ease off once you’ve met. I wonder why?

What was the funniest thing that happened to you on a Tinder date?
I was talking to a seemingly normal guy, and got bored of telling them my usual life story so said I was a professional hula-hooper at the circus – it was clearly a joke! The banter continued for a while.  He came across as funny with a great sense of humour – going along with my hula-hoop story and all.  Anyway, we met for a drink and he was unattractive, totally boring and, worst of all, had believed I was the head hula-hooper at the local circus.
He wasn’t just disappointed to hear it wasn’t true, he was angry about it (apparently my hips lie) and started to psycho-analyse me to find out why I had LIED, dude come on! The date ended after 45 minutes and the worst thing is, he goes to the same gym as me! Next time I see him, I might pick up a hula-hoop and “practice for my next show” in front of him.

How do you go about determining how tall someone is (let’s face it we all wonder about that – ok, yes, I wonder about that)?
I do what I call the 5-question-distraction. If concerned about a guy’s height I say ‘ok I’m going to fire 5 questions at you’ and I ask:

Star sign?
Favourite food?
Favourite movie?
Best place you’ve travelled to?

It’s not like they don’t know you’re doing… But it takes the awkwardness off the question and lets you respond to something else from the answer bundle. Awkward moment over…

Do you judge people on poor spelling? (I think I do)
Yes, grammar is important and if they are trying to impress you then they should at least spell check. Why would you want a girl to think you are uneducated? Or, worse, lazy?

What’s the best about Tinder?
It lets you judge people on their looks without them knowing and you can talk to hot guys who you wouldn’t ever think about approaching in the real world.

What’s the worst?
Shit chat, anything like:
‘Hey, how’s your day?’ 
‘Hey sexy ;)’ 
Also, can we keep the imagery PG please, this is not the place and finally, the embarrassing moment at work when your phone goes off and lights up ‘you have a new Tinder match’…

You deleted Tinder, why? Do you think you’ll ever join again?
I deleted Tinder about two months ago. I’m itching to download it again, during a dry patch, ha! It’s like going back to an ex when you have no one else!

Are you still in touch with anyone?
Yeah, I still talk to a few. You have an intense start with guys on Tinder, which then often fizzles out when you have slept together or hooked up and either of you realise it needs to calm down or else it gets too relationshipy. Sometimes guys get back in touch weeks or even months later.

And last but not least, meet Jack, Tinder’s own love rat! (Jack, you have been judged!)



4 thoughts on “The Tinder Chronicles: Expert Interview

  1. Pingback: The Tinder Chronicles – Part 1: Expert Interview | TinderNews

  2. Pingback: The Tinder Chronicles: 10 things that will seem familiar if you’re into the game | Love Letters to Ken

  3. Pingback: The Tinder Chronicles – 5 types of guys you meet on Tinder | Love Letters to Ken

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