The Tinder Chronicles – 5 types of guys you meet on Tinder


So you actually did it, you downloaded the app, manically swiped left and right, came across some of the most ridiculous photos you’ll ever see in your life and chatted to about 89 different guys with absolutely no desire to meet up. You have now reached a point where you’re left with exactly two options, either delete the app, because it’s gotten absolutely pointless OR finally go on a date. Let’s say you decide to go on a date and if you’re only a little bit like me that decision alone will freak you out – if you haven’t picked up on it yet, I am not a fan of dates no matter where or how I met the other person. So, because I assume everyone’s a little bit worried about the first date, I’ll give you a bit of a heads up in terms of what you can expect. Here are five types of guys you might get to meet on your Tinder dates.*

1.The stoned surfer
He seems to be Mr Athletic, his photos give you the impression that he’s married to his surfboard and he rocks a six-pack and a wetsuit like no one else, bottom line, he’s hot. But unfortunately that’s all there is. He’ll suggest to meet at a bar somewhere near the beach, he’ll turn up stoned, reeking of a certain herbal concoction (you know what I mean) and he’ll have you pay for his $4 beer. He will confuse you with his dumb comments and you’ll leave the date reassured that looks are far from everything.

2. The guy with the fake photos
My friend told me about this one the other day and I was quite shocked. She had been talking to this pretty handsome fella for a while before agreeing to meet up with him. A few hours before the date, his photos slowly started changing – and not in a “let me just update the photos from 2009” kinda way. There was suddenly a different not-so-handsome guy in two of his five photos. Being maybe a bit too nice or hopeful, she still went on the date only to find herself in a bar with the original Tinder flirt nowhere to be seen. Alter-ego, two-photo Joe, however was there, ready to get the party started. Needless to say my friend was rather pissed off, politely stayed for a glass of wine and eventually gave her date a piece of mind and walked off.

3.The no-show
Be warned, there is always the possibility of getting stood up. That’s the problem with not having met the other person before and not having established a basic relationship which acknowledges each other’s existence outside of the Tindersphere. Don’t be surprised if the person you have been talking to for a week ditches you last minute for a night out with the guys or even a nap (!!!). Let me be clear, I totally think standing someone up is bad form and pretty rude, but I guess you have to remind yourself here, that to them, you’re not “real” yet…….oh whatever, it’s rude!!!!!

4.Your neighbour
Well, you brought THAT awkwardness onto yourself by setting your radius to one kilometer. While it might seem rather convenient to date someone who lives on your street, you really should be thinking a bit more long-term here, if it’s not going to work out – and let’s be realistic here this is Tinder after all – then you’ll be running the risk of bumping into your Tinder fling in the most uncomfortable situations – sweaty at the gym, Saturday morning walk of shame, him on a date at the restaurant around the corner or simply strolling down your road. And while this is awkward as can be, at the end of the day, you have to admit, it’s a little bit hilarious and makes for a good story.

5. The potential boyfriend
Let’s be honest, while most guys like to use Tinder for what it is, a bit of a slutty hook-up app, girls using it do hope to swipe right to more than just a fling. Now, while some of the stories I have heard are pretty disheartening and even scary, there is hope. Not everyone on Tinder is an utter creep with a love for bathroom selfies and puppy cuddles. In fact, there has been a decent amount of success stories. There are guys out there who will take you on a date, treat you with respect and make an effort to see you again. So girlfriend, don’t give up just yet. Your knight in shining armour might just be in disguise, who knows he might be the nerdy Clark Kent type, don’t let that neatly combed hair and those glasses fool you! Realistically, you’re just as likely to find your future beau on Tinder as you are in a seedy bar or nightclub.

To read more about what being on Tinder really means, check out part one and two of The Tinder Chronicles.

* Special thanks to all the lovely ladies who shared their stories with me.

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